A client asked me today, “What makes something traumatic?” Great question, right? The answer, though, isn't as obvious as you might think. We tend to imagine trauma as these big, life-altering events, but the truth is trauma can also be subtle. A quiet thief that sneaks in without you noticing—until, well, you do.
So, let’s break it down: **Big T** and **Little t** trauma.
Big T Trauma: The Obvious Ones
Big T trauma is what most people picture when they hear the word "trauma." These are the heavy hitters—car accidents, natural disasters, war, violent crime. These events come with an unmistakable, “Yep, that’s traumatic” stamp on them. When something like this happens, you know it. It shakes you up and leaves a mark.
Big T trauma is hard to miss. If you've gone through it, you're probably not wondering whether it was trauma—it’s more like, “Oh yeah, that happened, and now I feel like a train wreck.”
Little t Trauma: The Sneaky Kind
Now let’s talk about **Little t trauma**, the sneakier cousin. This is where things get interesting (and sometimes frustrating). Little t trauma isn’t about one major event, but it’s still about something that rocked your sense of safety or control, just on a quieter level.
It’s the stuff that might not make headlines, but it can still pack a punch. Maybe it’s the parent who yelled at you when you were a kid, or that boss who always hovered over your shoulder. Nothing huge, right? But your nervous system? Oh, it noticed. And sometimes, those Little t’s get stuck there, like a piece of popcorn wedged in your teeth. Not dangerous, but oh-so-irritating.
Trauma and Your Nervous System: A Love-Hate Relationship
Here’s the thing: trauma doesn’t just live in your head—it takes up residence in your nervous system. And it doesn’t care whether that trauma was “big” or “little.” Once it’s there, it can hang out indefinitely, waiting for the perfect moment to jump out and say, “BOO!” (a.k.a. a trigger).
Ever have one of those moments where you overreact to something small, and you have no idea why? Maybe you’re just calmly minding your business, and then someone says something, and suddenly you’re ready to flip the table like you’re on a reality show. Yeah, that’s your nervous system working through some unresolved trauma. It's like an overzealous security guard that forgot it’s 20 years later and you’re not in danger anymore.
Trauma Therapy: Where the Magic Happens
So, what can we do about it? This is where trauma therapy steps in. Our job as therapists is to help you unlock all that stored-up energy from past traumas, whether they’re Big T or Little t, so it stops crashing your mental party.
In therapy, we figure out where those trauma triggers came from and why you might’ve formed certain beliefs about yourself, like, “I’m just a bad person,” or, “It’s my fault.” Spoiler alert: No, you’re not, and no, it’s not. (You’d be amazed at how often our brains try to sell us those two lies.)
I use approaches like EMDR (that’s Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, but don’t worry, you don’t have to remember the fancy name) and Internal Family Systems. We explore those memories and experiences safely, so your nervous system can finally let them go, instead of playing them on a loop like that one annoying song you can’t get out of your head.
Life’s Gonna Hurt (But Maybe That’s Okay?)
Look, we’re not getting through this life without a few bumps and bruises—sorry to be the bearer of bad news. But maybe that’s not all bad? It reminds me of a friend who told me a story about her daughter, who was jumping from couch to couch (as kids do), fell, and broke a bone. They rushed to the ER, got the cast, and did the whole medical thing. You’d think that’d teach her a lesson, right? Nope. The next day, the kid was back to jumping between couches like nothing happened.
My friend looked at me and said, “I think I made the world too safe for her.” And you know what? There’s something to that. Sure, safety’s important (let’s not go breaking bones on purpose), but learning how to navigate life’s inevitable pains is just as crucial.
So, What’s Next?
If any of this is resonating with you, maybe it’s time to look at your own Big T or Little t traumas. Trauma therapy isn’t about rehashing painful memories just to feel bad all over again. It’s about freeing you from the things that keep poking at your nervous system, so you can feel at home in your own skin.
Got questions? Need help figuring out your own trauma story? I’m here for that. And don’t worry, we’ll keep it real, maybe even laugh a little, because healing doesn’t have to be all doom and gloom. Stay blunt, gritty, and a little witty, my friends. Until next time!
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